It’s happened! You’re going to be a dad! Congratulations! I bet you’re pretty terrified, right? You might have tons of thoughts running through your head that have got you on edge and bordering on a panic attack. No? Just me?
You might be saying “Papa, I’ve got no idea what to expect for my first kid, and I didn’t read any of those books my wife has been reading. What are your thoughts?”
Here’s what Papa says – The rest of your life is now on a different trajectory that cannot be changed, and here are just a few items (out of millions) that you need to be cognizant about now that you are expecting your firstborn.
Listen to Advice?
There is one piece of advice I give every new dad and that is: “don’t take anyone’s advice.” Now bear with me. I have four of my own children and have mentored dozens more kids and dads and here is what I’ve discovered: No two kids will be alike. Dads with multiple kids will know what I’m talking about. Your firstborn might sleep through the night pretty well whereas your second will have cholic all night. Your firstborn might like to be held by anyone whereas your second has a panic attack. I’m not exactly saying to not follow any advice your are told, but listen to the dads willing to speak into your life and take their advice with a grain of salt. Every newborn experience will be different, but by extrapolating some ideas from multiple bits of advice can help you make it to the next day.
For example, our first son loved car rides. He would fall asleep by the time the car pulled out of the driveway. For him, the sounds and vibrations were soothing and relaxing. Our second son hated car rides. He would cry non-stop until he vomitted all over himself (milk puke… yuck…). After throwing up, he would take a few deep breathes, calm himself, and then start screaming and crying all over again. It was definitely tough for us to go further than the grocery store.
Sleeping at Night?
This bit is pretty universal for all kids. I have heard of some sleeping through the night, but I’ve never heard it to be the norm for every night. Your little one is going to be in a constant cycle of eating and excreting – every two to fours hours or so, even through the night. Throughout the night your baby is going to need to eat and be changed. This is where my wife and came up with the saying “Mama is in charge of the input, and Papa is in charge of the output.” It made no sense to make my wife do all the work with our babies at night and then be exhausted during the day while I left to go to work. Instead, our routine looked like this:
- Baby would cry
- Mama feeds the baby
- Papa wakes up and takes the baby
- Mama goes back to sleep
- Papa burps and changes the baby
- Papa gets the baby back to sleep
Mama and I used this routine for all four of our kids and it worked out the best for us. We both take an active role in taking care of our kids at all ages, and it has helped us get from day to day as well as strengthening our marriage (but that’s for another blog).
Interacting?
Please do not be one of those dads that just leaves your baby in a seat or in the crib all day. The most socially developed kids I’ve seen had a lot of interaction during their formitave years. Hold your baby, talk to your baby, walk them around in your arms and sing songs to them, hold their hands and smile at them, etc. If you are gone at work all day make sure you don’t come home and ignore your baby. Little ones need their dads just as much as their moms.
My favorite way of interacting with my babies is when we are at corporate prayer. I hold my little one(s) while I walk around and we pray together. My little one calms down instantly and soaks up the atmosphere. My youngest will be in a chest carrier, and I’ll usually have another one of my kids riding piggy back while we all pray together. There’s something about having your kids hear their dad pray, but that’s another blog article as well.
Dads – one thing I want you to remember is that you need to be an active part of your kid’s entire life. These ideas don’t even scratch the surface of what it takes to be a good dad in the beginning, but you have to start somewhere. What are some of things you learned when you had your first baby? Did anything surprise you or scare you?